Zamo's Friends and Foes: Wilhelm
Wilhelm is a pain in the ass, er - person I don't have much in common with. I think he must secretly like cats or something. He's a poetaster (look it up!) and steadfastly refuses to listen to my tips on how he could write better poetry. He works at a publishing company or something, probably in the mailroom or as a coffee wench, though he claims to be an editor. Frankly, I think he works at McDonald's.
I might like Wilhelm better if he was tall enough that I could sit on his head and gain access to the candy cabinet, but he refuses to accommodate this by testing my nifty new medieval human-stretching gizmo that I bought on EBay.
I will grant him credit that he is amusing to poke at. Fun things to do in this category include stealing his stupid neckerchief scarf and playing "Swami Zamo," asking questions about his Nazi German ancestry, and asking why he never made anything of himself like his brothers, Frederich and Hans. They're a psychiatrist and an engineer respectively.