As part of my post-doctoral research on behalf of the Iguanid University of the Jungle, I have come to live amongst the humans to study them in their natural habitats in order to better understand
- what the hell is wrong with them and
- how to utilize this understanding for the betterment of iguanakind.
I might also be looking towards 3. utilizing this information in order to take over human society and place myself as top dictator, but no comment on that matter. Other than to say I'm far better qualified than the current candidates.
Through living amongst the humans I have gained a lot of insight into how they work and think, and I plan to publish those conclusions in book form eventually, as well as to build a nice museum to house the cultural objects I have collected.
For example, one of my insights is that humans love to make stuff, but little of it is functional or even attractive. If you don't believe me, you've clearly never gone to a craft store with Georgie and observed that half of the business involves fake flowers that do nothing but gather dust. They taste terrible, too. But apparently people buy them, and not just for kindling - they use them for decoration.
I know, I didn't believe Georgie at first either when she explained it to me.
If you want more information on my academic background, feel free to peruse my resume here.
I'm always happy to assist fellow iguanas in the understanding of human psychology and how best to get along with and manipulate them. To this end, you can also check out my new advice column, Ask Professor Zamo.